Buhay Pa Rin Ako

Naging busy lang.

Early December, we had a small party; not exclusive to our clique, but a reunion of the people na tambay nang isang sikat na bilyaran (college days). We’ve become extended tropa of one another kahit hindi naman kami talagang magkakaibigan. Nagrent kami ng rooftop, private residence. Dati na namin nirerent yun, college pa lang kami. Mahilig talaga kami sa reunion at parties — iba’t iba na ang buhay namin.

Our mid 30s is the best (so it seems), we have thrived career wise, yung mga mukhang haggard na tambay? Sosyal na at magaganda ang sasakyan ha! We have a dj among us, may tattoo artist, may singer, may caterer, may photographer, may nagbibusiness, may houseband pero mayaman daw ang misis, the rest, office workers. Mukhang walang sumunod sa yapak ni Efren “Bata” Reyes ah. When we were in college, feeling namin lahat kami professional ang galawan.

Nakausap ko ng matagal that night si photographer at houseband. Mukhang okay naman si photographer financially kasi malaki ang ambag. Pero wala pa syang house (kung makasalita naman ako kala mo meron ako, eh freeloader lang naman ako). According to him, nagrerent sya ng townhouse but it can get too expensive raw especially that he is alone without a housemate. Okay lang naman daw but he wants to cut his expenses, he wants to save more daw for a permanent home. Sabay singit ni houseband na “ayan oh, magrent ka dyan (sakin daw), laki ng condo nya, sya lang mag-isa”. We laughed because it’s funny. I never had a housemate na regular, puro yung mga transient lang. But then next we know is nagcacalculate na kami ng utility bills.

Ayun na nga, may roommate na ako. Naisip ko, malaking tulong rin yun for gas since kahit gaanong ka ganda ang location ng bahay ko, the fact na anlayo naman nito sa work ko, pang-asar rin so makabawi man lang sa gas at pamasahe.

Sino ba itong photographer na ito sa buhay ko? Wala. Ni hindi nga kami friends if you sum it up.

Pero dati, he’s one of the cutest in our campus. We wondered about him because para syang may sariling mundo. May dalang gitara palagi. Tatambay sa amin, pero hindi mag-eengage, then aalis after 15 minutes. Ganun lang. Wala. That time, we girls used to call him Jay (for Jay Manalo), kamukha nya eh.

So ngayon, mas hot na sya. Malaki na ang katawan, obvious na nagbubuhat. Camera na ang dala parati instead of gitara na meron pa rin sa room nya to be fair. Musikero pa rin pala. Pero like before, may sariling mundo pa rin.

He tries to cook, pero parang breakfast lagi. Tinitirahan nya ako ng food kahit hindi naman kami share sa food and groceries. Then, he asked me 3 weeks ago kung okay lang magbisita. I said yes of course. So may dinala syang super sexy na model (I assumed) kasi katawan model eh tapos halatang early 20s lang. Whatever they did, keber diba? But in me, medyo cringe. First time ko may ka-share ng house na nagdadala ng girls… yes, plural, kasi parang 3 na nakikita ko (minus pa yung during the day na hindi ko inaabot) kung meron man.

Okay, kaya ako napablog bigla is because yesterday, over lunch, since parehas kaming nasa bahay lang at walang lakad, nabore siguro at tinanong ako, “bakit ba hindi tayo lumabas nung college?”

Napaisip ako ha, sa loob ko, hindi ka naman kalabas labas nun kasi may sarili kang mundo. Then naalala ko si Jay Manalo.

I answered him, “because you never asked”.

Nashokt ako sa sagot ko. Hindi ko alam bakit I sounded flirtatious in my head.

Alam kong hindi friendly yung sagot ko at medyo may malice. While sya, siguradong casual question lang. After my answer, he leaned and inayos yung buhok ko kasi it’s all over my face, then he took a photo of me. Ganun talaga ang sequence ng pangyayari.

Sinabi ko, pag di nya dinelete sasaktan ko sya, I chased him around to give me the camera.

It was a playful afternoon.

Nothing strange happened.

But I am kind of scared. I thought about him all night. I cannot lust for my housemate especially if he’s that kind of guy, the kind who will surely give in. I know that one misstep, my body will betray me and I will be in serious trouble.



NSFW: TMI Tuesday

Pick your next sexual encounter. Only pick one, then tell us why that is your choice.

  • Blindfolded during oral sex
  • Sex in a hot tub
  • Sex in an elevator
  • Phonesex
  • Bringing in a third party

 Blindfolded during oral sex. It feels better not knowing what’s happening next. I only do this with someone I trust.

When could having sex with an ex be a good thing?

I do not have a problem having sex with one of my exes and with someone I used to date (but on open relationship). It’s just sex anyway. It is good to express your desires and achieve them with someone familiar. The only thing that would put it on pause is if I am seeing anyone exclusively. Whether my ex is in a relationship, it’s his responsibility, I believe.

Have you ever had sex in a public toilet? No judgment. (Ooh you nasty!)

A couple of times, but it’s the clean kind.

Car sex is hot or not?

It’s hot for men. But I never liked it, really. It’s uncomfortable.

What is the most appealing thing about you?

I know I look okay… but there’s always someone prettier and sexier than me in school or at the office. I was told by men (friends and former lovers) that what they liked most about me is the way I carried myself and how I make myself get seen without actually doing something. That’s what they say, but I can never see it, I don’t know. I feel like I am the underdog most of the time in this regard.

Bonus: Some time ago in Geneva, Switzerland, a coffee shop opened where you can get a hot, delicious cup of coffee, with a side of hot, delicious blowjob. That’s right after you order your coffee, you use an iPad to select the sex worker that you want to have given you the blowjob. A – Would you visit this coffee shop? B – Would you get the blowjob?

Okay so let’s replace it with cunnilingus on the side of coffee. If it’s in Geneva, I’d probably visit this coffee shop and would get the side offer. I mean, it’s probably a one time experience and I’ve always been curious.

Thirteen Reasons Why: Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin? (Reason #4)

Two years ago, I was thinking of reaching out to Fashion Pulis (he’s like Perez Hilton of the Philippines) and give him a juicy blind item. You see, my boyfriend of two years dumped me for a celebrity. I hated them so much. My ex had shocked me with a revelation that we are broken up through a Facebook post shaming me in front of our so-called friends. I had no idea that we were even in trouble, worse, broken up. It was the shocker of a lifetime.

The girl is a cougar. She’s a friend of a friend. I used to see her in clubs with friends being all chummy chummy and generous. Trying to buy her way into our circle perhaps? We’re sold. She was not just generous, she was sweet to me as well. We became friends eventually. Or so I thought.

One time, my ex and I wanted to celebrate somewhere fancy for our second year anniversary, it was September. My then boyfriend knew that I won’t allow him to spend a fortune on a staycation in a fancy hotel so we’ve asked our friends for possible alternatives – our celebrity friend incidentally had vouchers. She’s given us vouchers to stay in one of the Philippines best hotels for a long weekend – full board with spa and all. It was generous and I told her we couldn’t accept it. She said, “the hotel gave these vouchers and they knew it’s transferable, they expected that I’d give it away!” She was pushy so we took it. I was so thankful because she was full of care. I thought she really liked me.

October, my ex had a work trip and went to an aviary with work “friends” – he’s taken so many pictures of birds and butterflies but I didn’t see any “friends” – according to him, he’s not interested in human photos. The aviary should suffice.

Photo by Zoosnow

Incidentally, the celebrity posted on her verified account some photos very similar to what my ex had posted.

“That could not be. He wouldn’t lie to me about it,” I told myself.

November, they were going out as friends, with our group. Unfortunately, my duty @ work would always coincide with their trips. I wonder if it was coincidental or deliberate.

“It could not be. Because why?”

The celebrity is pretty. But she’s way older. I mean, I am young, with all the potentials on all levels. I am not a bad girlfriend and we never had any troubles – none that I know of, at least.

“It could not be that he’s cheating on me with her? Has he gone mental?”

Latter part of November. He told me that he wants to cool it off, not even straightforwardly placed. Cool off, like temporary?! Of course it was not.

A day later, he went on a trip with her. Friggin slutty cougar. Yes I know. I am a stalker.

What could he want from her? Money? He is rich and lives in an exclusive subdivision where the old money people live. But he is definitely a famewhore. A week later, our friends became her exclusive friends and they’re now a celebrity gang. A circle of socialites, while betraying me and choosing to leave me behind.

My ex. I get it. Perhaps he is more sexually compatible with her. That’s all I can think of. Because why else? We were super cool together. We do not even fight. Is it because I refused to do anal?!! Is she all about that because if so, WTF!

These are the thoughts coming into my mind because I couldn’t think of anything else.

Unfortunately, I lost some of my friends in the process. They’d message me separately, would want to hang separately, but they’ve hidden the fact that he has been cheating on me. So they too are X to me.

Is it for being tagged by a celebrity in IG? Is it your photos being liked by a verified fucking account?

Photo by Cristian Dina


To add insult to the injury. They’ve told everyone I was bitter and totally shunned me away.  

The couple even told some friends that I hooked up with another guy first and now I am making a serious fuss about their getting together.

The hell is that lie about?!

What triggered this post? My ex who is still very much with that person drunk dialing me last night asking if he could come by my house. Stupid fucktard.

TMI Tuesday #1

It’s my first TMI entry for 2021, wishing myself confidence in answering the below:

1. What was the best part of your holiday season?

It’s having an excuse to be lazy and eat a lot.

2. Did you have the opportunity to get down and dirty over the holidays? Please share.

Oh no, I’ve been such a bore! I am keeping my safe distance from anyone.

3. You receive a gift from a family member that is exactly what you DID NOT want. Do you:
a. Smile politely and bin it at the first opportunity?
b. Say thank you and re-gift it next year?
c. Do some detective work and return it at the first opportunity?
d. Try and tactfully suggest something more appropriate for next time?

None of the above. I usually find ways to like the gifts I receive.

4. Sex toys as gifts yea or nay? Was there a time when you unexpectedly opened something R-rated in front of your family? Tell us about it.

No, my family gifts are wholesome so it’s perfectly safe to open anything coming from within our circle. My friends are a different story although we did not meet this holiday season due to the pandemic. We do gift each other toys every once in a while especially for whoever is single. Works for me because I am typically shy to buy for myself. I don’t know. People won’t know or care whether it’s mine or someone else’s but there’s certain level of shame whenever I feel like ordering for personal use. But I wouldn’t mind receiving and gifting.

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Pexels.com

5. What is the best present your significant other has given you?

I am lucky because whenever I am in a relationship, they tend to be generous but the best one was when the guy I was dating introduced me to Derek Ramsay. Hahaha. He knew my type.

Bonus:  Share your New Year’s resolution(s) or reasons why you do not make them.

Resolution: Do more.


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: December 8, 2020

This week at TMI Tuesday let’s talk sexual feelings.

1. Are women natural seducers or are men?

Both are natural seducers. It is the human nature to be sexual.

2. Which of the following statements most closely matches your sexual attitude?

a. Sex is best when you focus on your own pleasure.
b. Sex is best when I can totally meld with my partner and feel as one.
c. Sex is best when the purpose is that of conceiving a child.
d. Sex is just a behavior; don’t put too much importance on the act, just do it the way you like and need.

3. Do you need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy sex with another person?

Not really. SEX can be enjoyed without emotional connection. It is of pure physical nature. Making love is totally a different story though.

4. Are you allowed to be sexual? Explain.

YES. I don’t see why not. I am a grown woman and I’ve had my shares of good and bad sex, but at this point, it’s up to me to make it as enjoyable as it can be. I won’t accept bad sex anymore.

5. Agree or Disagree. Sex without love is meaningless.

SEX itself doesn’t have to have meaning.

Bonus: Conventional wisdom (but not research) says that women value monogamy more than men. Is this true for you?

No. I believe men and women equally value certain things. I mean, some women are polygamous but they’re discreet about it. And what is monogamy anyway? How would you define it? Is all physical?